The Mistress (mistress_sama) wrote in 1single_sin,
The Mistress

Without You - Chapter 4

Title :: Without you - Chapter Four
Author :: The Mistress mistress_sama
Pairing :: KaoruxKyo
Rating :: R due to graphic content, maybe NC17 later on but it hasn’t been decided yet.
Summary :: Kaoru was killed in a car accident and Kyo is left to try and piece his life back together.
Disclaimer :: I do not own any characters used in this writing. I make no profit from this story, it is purely for the enjoyment of the readers and myself.
Comments :: This just popped into my head one day while listening to ‘Taking over me’ by Evanescence. I hope it works out how I envision it in my mind. Beta-d by krashkan.

The three men sat back slowly as the sound of Toshiya’s voice dissipated from the air, stunned to silence by the accounts of events that they were just updated with. For a moment there was the clinking of porcelain as Shinya lifted his cup to take a sip, throat dry and hands shaking just a little while his mind tried to wrap around and make sense of what he had just heard. Dark eyes glanced to the side, taking in the familiar view of Toshiya’s apartment, looking out the window he noticed for the first time that it was a dismal day outside. Gray clouds covered the usually blue sky, though it wasn’t raining and he hadn’t heard any reports of rain that morning on the news. It seemed like the perfect day for rain, the sunlight filtering through the clouds in a color that made everything around seem dead.

“He’s sure he saw this, heard this?” It was Die’s voice that broke him from his thought process, the ex-drummer twisting his head around to take in the visage of his close friend, able to see the worry swirling in his brown eyes and etched in his still youthful features. Shinya’s own eyes traveled to where Die’s were resting, on Toshiya, watching nod in response to the question presented to him.

“So what do we do?” This time it was himself that spoke up, not even recognizing his own voice. Both of his friends looked to him, and he could feel their gaze, each of the three of them wondering the same thing and hoping one of the others had an answer. It was Toshiya who responded.

“I don’t know.”


His sister had proved comforting, her presence, her familiarity; and the fact that for at least a few days his mind had been able to rest a little. She hadn’t been told why he was coming to stay for a little, but she had started to notice that his complexion was paler; the rings under his eyes darker. Even when he was away from his apartment, in hers, sleep had been hard to come by, eyes closed but slumber far off in the fear of nightmares that only served to send him spiraling deeper in the depression that settling into his bones like old age. It was for that reason that Kyo found himself walking home, bag slung over his shoulder and bumping against his thigh as he walked. Onyx hair obscured eyes; head hung given that he didn’t particularly need to look where he was going. He knew that path well, the sidewalks that brought him from his place to his sisters.

Thoughts raced, never staying long and not letting one linger longer than another. With every thought there was a current theme, a constant variable that stood out more than the thoughts themselves. More specifically a number, four, four days until the anniversary, four days until the remembrance ceremony that hadn’t been announced but was assumed to be had. It would be nothing fancy, simply friends, family, and fans coming together to remember a guitarist who gave so much to the musical community as well as the people that he was close with. Kyo didn’t have to be told that it was happening, he didn’t have to be told to show up, it was assumed that he and his ex-band members would be showing. It would be seen as disrespectful if they didn’t.

Corner was turned, footsteps ceasing, looking up Kyo saw the stretch of road where Kaoru’s accident had occurred. Turning the man quickly crossed the street; not wanting to walk directly past the building that had claimed his lover’s life. Mind was shut down, set on automatic as he focused on keeping his breaths even, on keeping his pace calm and controlled. It proved harder than he had expected.

Suddenly a car was driving as he walked, a car that hadn’t been there previously and looked slightly too faint to be really there. Eyes widened, mind recognizing the car and the driver, reverting almost black orbs to the sidewalk in front of him as the scene played out beside him. Almost as if it were a memory even though it wasn’t. Thoughts were threatened to be scattered, panic threatened to take over as the faint sound of tires screeching, glasses shattering filled his mind. Not letting himself lose all control though he did allow his pace to increase, almost running from the scene. He didn’t want to know, he was blissful in his ignorance of the specific events that had transpired that night. Quickly he walked past the silhouette of his deceased lover, telling himself not to listen, not to stop. The sound of the door slamming behind him sent a shock through his body, not having realized it was himself who had done it.

The sorrow that tried to swallow his heart was shoved away, trying to fill him so he would turn back, so he would confront the ghost of his dead love. But he wouldn’t let it, instead running up the few flights of stairs to bring him to his apartment. Once inside the door was locked as quickly as it could be, as if it would help ward off ghosts. Even if it didn’t it made him feel just a little bit better about the situation. Heavy bag slid off his shoulder, falling from his body to land on the carpet with a thump as long fingers searched for white sticks protected by cardboard. The pack was also dropped to the floor after he got what he wanted from it, lighting the cigarette with shaking hands he didn’t care if he were to get in trouble for smoking the one cigarette inside his apartment rather than on his balcony. It was near three in the morning and he highly doubted that anyone would notice or care.

Turning around the lighter fell from his fingers within an instant, wide eyes focused on the couch and it was miracle the burning cigarette didn’t follow. But he was frozen, unmoving, and the locked door had proved to be futile in the attempt to block out certain mystical beings.


It sounded like an order, it was an order, and his body seemed to move of it’s own will to follow it. Seat was taken, though on the completely opposite side of the couch; hands shaking as they lifted to cradle his head. He knew he was going crazy, seeing and hearing things. Even after the conversation that was held between him and the visage of Kaoru was over he still thought himself crazy, and during the entire time they were speaking Kyo felt as if he were walking on air, there but not there at the same time. One would expect him to cry, to scream and yell but in all honesty, he just didn’t have it in him. He was numb.

The next days where completely a blur, flowing and mixing together without any definite separation or event to make one stand out more than the other. There had been visits from Toshiya, ones that were rushed, and ones where he told the ex-bassist that he was okay and he was fine. That he was feeling better and didn't need to be worried about any longer. But the willowy person who kept being pushed away every time didn't believe it at all. Little did he know plans were being made, well thought out to the point where no detail was overlooked.
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