The Mistress (mistress_sama) wrote in 1single_sin,
The Mistress

Without you - Chapter One

Title :: Without you - Chapter One
Author :: The Mistress mistress_sama
Pairing :: KaoruxKyo
Rating :: R due to graphic content, maybe NC17 later on but it hasn’t been decided yet.
Summary :: Kaoru was killed in a car accident and Kyo is left to try and piece his life back together.
Comments :: I don’t own them blah blah blah no matter how much I wish I did… But yeah. This just popped into my head one day while listening to ‘Taking over me’ by Evanescence. Umm…yeah I hope you guys like it…and I hope it works out how I envision it in my mind. Beta-d by krashkan.

Previous Chapters :: Prologue

Chapter One

It almost seemed as if all over Japan there was a mutual agreement between fans to leave Kyo be. No one besides his band members knew of his and Kaoru’s relationship, but everyone knew that Kyo took it harder than anyone else in the band--- even if they didn’t know why. The ex-vocalist was happy for the fact that he could take a walk down the street, go into a store, and even though people would stare sometimes, they would never bother him. It was peaceful then, not like it used to be when Kaoru was still alive, when they would even have to hide in other countries. But it hadn’t been minded then, and he would give anything to have that chaos back if it meant that Kaoru would still be in his life.

Lights flashed, cameras going off as they walked out onto the platform and sat behind a long table. It was like it always was, but there was something missing. A chair was empty. There were only four of them now: Kyo, Die, Toshiya, and Shinya. It didn’t take long for everyone to quiet down; the somber mood that had taken over the room also took away the words from people’s mouths. Die was the one to speak up, all of them knowing that Kyo wouldn’t be able to muster the strength for the press conference; it had only been two weeks since Kaoru’s death. It was too soon, but their managers had insisted on it.

It could be seen that even Die was struggling at first, his mouth dry as he took a sip of the provided water before speaking.

"Due to the events in these past two weeks… we are sitting here to announce that Dir en grey will no longer be touring or making music. Kaoru was not only our leader, our band mate--- he was also our friend. It would not be right if we continued without him, and we will not replace him with another. He cannot ever be replaced."

It was a short press conference, as they hadn’t wanted nor needed to say anymore. Standing, as the rest of Dir en grey slowly left the room, there was a dead silence, tension in the air that seemed to be radiating from the small vocalist who had said nothing the entire time. All that was left in the room were the reporters and journalists watching his back as he faded into the darkness of the hallway and the door shut with a hiss behind him.

It was autumn, the wind blowing against him as he walked home, the plastic bags in his hands rustling in the wind and creating more noise than Kyo would have liked to hear. It still confused him how to get to his new apartment. He and Kaoru had lived together before his death and Kyo knew that he wouldn’t have been able to stay in that place and be able to live for long. He didn’t even know if he could still live out the rest of whatever life he had left, but he would try. Kyo had kept all of Kaoru’s things, all that his parents did not want, actually having hidden away the things they had gotten together--- pictures, little gifts, everything. Even if he couldn’t look upon them now, he still had them and they were tucked away in a box in his closet.

Every once in a while that box was opened, looked through while droplets of water fell to the pictures and soaked the clothes that still managed to have Kaoru’s scent infiltrated within the fibers.

Two weeks. Not only were his memories flooding his mind but almost everything was getting harder, eating dinner and looking across the table to where Kaoru always used to sit; quiet but there. Sitting in the living room to watch a movie and being used to curling up at the older males side, but there was no one to curl up against now.

Even as he walked into his new apartment, eyes landing on a picture of Dir en grey from the last photoshoot they had ever done as a group of five. The blonde sucked in a breath, tearing his eyes away from the stoic visage of his lover before forcing his apartment door closed. It was how everything was now, forced. He had to force himself to put one foot in front of the other, force himself to take breaths, force himself not to crumble much like he did inside every night when he laid in his bed to sleep. His and Kaoru’s bed.

Kyo had found that mirrors were his worst enemy, stepping in front of the one in the bathroom now he didn’t care to look; water starting in the shower and he stepped inside. He just didn’t have energy. It was as if the approaching date sapped everything from him, his movements slow even as he stepped out to wrap a towel around his waist. Tattooed hand lifted to rub along his chin, feeling the stubbles of hair growing in already and he pulled out his razor to shave. The mirror was fogged up with the moisture created by the heat of his shower, using his hand he wiped the moisture away, not bringing his eyes up until a moment later.

Razor clattered to marble sink top, shock rippled through features of what he saw staring back at him. Standing behind him, there was the most gentle of smiles on his lips then just as fast as he had shown up he disappeared. Kyo’s chest felt tight, eyes not leaving the mirror quite yet even though only his own reflection existed within its depths. It wasn’t the first time he had seen Kaoru in the mirror, but no matter how many times it happened he knew that his reaction would never change.

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